Emily Writes reviews Frozen 2, the new movie that your kids will be watching until the end of time. The wind was howling like a swirling storm inside as I stood outside the Embassy with my two children. The line to see Frozen 2 stretched out onto the street. Hundreds of Elsas and Annas and parents … Read more
Why did a US writer’s story about wearing a diabetes monitor despite not being diabetic raise Emily Writes’ hackles? The same device could mean life or death for her son, and it costs her thousands of dollars a year. My seven-year-old son is having a diabetic low, hypoglycaemia, as I write this. I’m at work … Read more
‘Kids’ board games are bad. Pretending to be pirates or whatever is bad. Crafts are bad.’ Emily Writes finds a kindred spirit in the parenting memoir of Slate editor Dan Kois. I knew I wanted to read Dan Kois’ book about family life before it had even been written. I’d met him in Wellington. He’d … Read more
Emily Writes and her son pay a visit to the brand new ‘playground’ on the Parliament lawn. I heard there was a new park at Parliament only when I was asked to review it. Somehow it slipped under the radar despite the fact that I care deeply about new playgrounds. As a mum of two … Read more
I will find you. I will make you pay. Emily Writes wrote this in 2015 when she had a new baby but it still stands. I just want you to know I’m going to find you. A sleep deprived mother is basically more terrifying than Liam Neeson. You need to know that. And you should … Read more
In response to Meghan Markle’s admission that she’s finding it a struggle to be a new mother in the media spotlight, columnists across the globe have banded together to launch a charity to support all those women who ‘have it worse’, Emily Writes can exclusively reveal. Meghan Markle – duchess, new mum, tabloid punching bag … Read more
A recording of a toy store Christmas marketing meeting has been leaked to Emily Writes. Despite the danger involved, she has chosen to release these tapes for the benefit of parents. The following will chill you to the bone. I knew it had to be released when it turned up on my front door wrapped … Read more
On the eve of her son turning seven, Emily Writes shares a personal essay on birthdays and parenthood. It was dark and I heard a little whimper then: “mama?” A little body quickly climbed into my bed and huddled up closer reaching for my hands. I pulled my arms around him and softly stroked his … Read more
The impact of pregnancy and birth on the body is immense, yet we rarely discuss the ways it impacts women’s lives, says Emily Writes. Before writing this piece on pregnancy and postpartum body changes I ran a short survey that I shared in a small Facebook group. Within half a day I had more than … Read more
No show has ever delivered more and better sex than True Blood. Emily Writes looks back on a trashy high-art masterpiece. This content is brought to you by NEON – where all seasons of True Blood are streaming now. It was the scene in the basement that did it for me. Sex swing? Check. Alexander … Read more
Emily Writes on love and fear and hope at her son’s hospital bed. I hate horror films with monsters in them. I am skilled at fearing almost everything in my day-to-day life so I find little joy in being professionally scared in a cinema. I fear almost everything from bee stings (I’ve never been stung … Read more
Over 400 doctors, most specialising in child health, have signed an open letter to the coroner expressing concerns about a judgement which blamed alcohol in breast milk for the death of an infant. Update 13/08: The open letter to the coroner has now been submitted with a total of 727 doctors’ signatures. Sapphire Rose and … Read more
Emily Writes dives once more into the frozen gaping maw of online news, so you don’t have to. What a week! Boris is PM and he’s already fucked off the Queen by revealing the sweet nothings she whispered in his ear. He said the Queen told him privately: “I don’t know why anyone would want … Read more
A personal journey from reasonable trepidation to sweet love for the video game Minecraft. It was barely a week after I said to my sister “I don’t let the boys play any games” that my children’s Minecraft obsession began. We had agreed that Fortnite was likely the worst (I’ve never played it but spoke with … Read more
Wtf did we just watch? That sound you heard was a million furries screaming in ecstasy as their fantasy and everyone else’s nightmare came to life in the form of the first trailer for the live action version of Cats. Is it live action if it’s CGI fur-covered actors singing Andrew Lloyd Webber songs? It’s … Read more
Emily Writes once more ventures into the treacherous depths of online news, so you don’t have to. In absolutely astonishing news the New Zealand woman who married a random dude the day she met him has divorced him. Who would have ever foreseen this? New Zealander Sarah Elliott married Paul Edwards on Christmas Day. Which … Read more
It seems quite a claim to say Chocolate is choreographer Sacha Copland’s best work considering her immense talent but it’s true, says Emily Writes. I am not a fan of immersive theatre or interactive dance or whatever you want to call it. I don’t want to get involved. While my son will wildly volunteer for … Read more
A week later, that Queensland house with a glass-walled ensuite bathroom is still giving Emily Writes nightmares. In this confusing and chaotic world we live in there are so many issues that are legitimately outrageous. There are so many things you see online and offline that just shock you to your core. There are so … Read more
It’s a scary world out there, and there’s a lot for you as a parent to be frightened of. But what are the things you should be most freaked out about right now? Emily Writes has some suggestions. When I was pregnant with my firstborn I was extremely anxious about almost everything. Was my baby … Read more
Emily Writes reflects on being out and proud, three years after accepting and embracing her sexuality. In church I listened to sermons about people with the devil in their hearts. People who would go to Hell even if they were good people. God hates the sin. There’s so much sin. We have to be strong … Read more
How do you reconcile wanting a kinder, gentler world and also wishing for nothing but misfortune for your enemies? You accept the cleansing power of a deep and passionate grudge, says Emily Writes. The famous philosopher Will Smith once said: “Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume … Read more
The Side Eye is a monthly non-fiction comic by Toby Morris, supported by NZ On Air. Read more comics here.
Spinoff parents editor Emily Writes’ bestseller Rants in the Dark is coming to Auckland – as a play. Her Spinoff colleague Sam Brooks, a playwright himself, spoke to her about the process of seeing her book adapted for the stage. I’ve been writing plays for nearly a decade now. I’ve written stuff that could not be further … Read more
YouTube has been in the news a lot in the last few weeks and parents around the world are considering whether they should allow their kids to watch. Emily Writes decided it was time to give it up. Hi, my name is Emily Writes and I’ve been one week without YouTube Kids. This has been … Read more
Emily Writes is hungry so she wrote about sandwiches, the most perfect food in the universe. My husband is a healthy-eating type of person which is quite grating, since I’m not. About a year ago he decided bread was bad and my life has been challenging ever since. I decided after a short January break … Read more
Emily Writes picks some kids shows you can watch without wanting to poke your eyes out with a blunt stick. Before I had kids I wasn’t going to let them watch any screens. We didn’t even own a TV when my firstborn came along. He went without TV until he was about two. Then his … Read more
As we slide into 2019 it’s time to start thinking about the pun-based activities and festivities you’ll be giving up, giving into, marking and celebrating this year. Emily Writes is here to help. Let’s start with the year itself. We all know that 2018 was in fact 20GayTeen but did you know 2019 is 20Bi-Teen? … Read more
The very best of New Zealand’s smartest, funniest parenting writer. 1. Why Dwayne The Rock Johnson should be your doula “Dwayne The Rock Johnson would tell you how powerful and majestic you are. Dwayne The Rock Johnson would tell you that you come from a great line of powerful wāhine and there’s nothing that you can’t do. Dwayne … Read more
Emily Writes goes to war with Elf on the Shelf and its disturbing surveillance agenda. A 2015 picture book introduced Elf on the Shelf. Carol Aebersold and her daughter Chanda Bell wrote the book to apparently spread Christmas cheer. The story describes how “Santa’s elves” watch over children at Christmas time then report to Santa. Have they been naughty … Read more