The Spinoff’s in-house therapist Ms X returns after reading a concerning article about The Bachelor NZ contestant Claudia Hoskins. On Sunday morning, a reality TV article filed under the Entertainment section of the Herald caused me to fire off more “wtf” texts than I usually do. The Herald quoted a Woman’s Day article in which … Read more
In her final column for The Spinoff, in-house therapist Ms X answers the question: when do disturbing sexual fantasies become a cause for concern? Dear Ms X I’m 26 and have a question about fantasies. I really get off on the idea of being borderline assaulted, but know that I would definitely NEVER want this … Read more
Advice columnist Ms X helps a reader who suspects she’s been the unwitting subject of a secret sex tape. Dear Ms X I had something happen that was creepy but I don’t know if I should be worried. I am too embarrassed to tell my friends though so thought you might help. I met someone … Read more
Tis the season to be jolly? Oh fa-la-la-la-f**k off. If you hate Christmas, in-house therapist Ms X feels your pain and has some tips for getting through the season. Dear Ms X, I simply hate Christmas. I would much prefer if we went around singing summer songs, instead of carols. How simple would it be … Read more
What gives people the idea that they’re entitled to comment on your weight, or your appearance, or your eating habits? Our in-house therapist helps one reader deal with the endless unsolicited opinions. Dear Ms X, I am in a bit of a rage and I need to work out why before I go all blood … Read more
When does heavy social media use become a problem? In-house therapist Ms X discusses good and bad Facebook usage, and strategies for breaking the network’s vice-like hold on your day-to-day life. This week I talk to a reader who asked for advice on escaping the sticky grip of social media. Our caller reported that he … Read more
Is being a super serene person a sign of good mental health – or does it mean you’re a secret sociopath? In-house therapist Ms X weighs in. Hi Ms. X, I was the creepy baby that never cried. All my life I’ve been the super calm one in my family, friend group and relationships – … Read more
Being forced to socialise with the person who broke your heart is hard enough at the best of times, says in-house counsellor Ms X – but mix in end-of-year emotion and plenty of alcohol and you’ve got a combustible situation. Kia ora Ms X. I recently had my heart broken and I’m seeking your advice. … Read more
In-house counsellor Ms X shares some tips on how to flat with your grown-up kids – without killing each other. Dear Ms X, Do children ever leave home anymore? Ever? Seriously. I have a 22 year old and a 19 year old and neither of them look like budging from the family home. I understand … Read more
In this week’s advice column: how to deal with losing your job without losing your shit. Dear Ms X I think I might be about to be made redundant and I am basically shitting myself. I am 29 and this would be the second lay off I have been through if it actually happens. I … Read more
Lack of libido is not just a female issue, says our in-house therapist Ms X – and doing nothing is only going to make the problem worse. Dear Ms X, My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and we’ve stopped having sex as much as we used to – I’m talking … Read more
Online dating brings with it a whole heap of questions about expectations and etiquette, not least the vexed issue of sexting. Should I? Must I? Ms X has some advice. Dear Ms X, My six year relationship has just ended. This is obviously very difficult and I need counselling on a number of levels including … Read more
This week, a teenage special: Ms. X dishes out advice to a uni student with a crush on an older guy, and to a teen girl sick of hearing her sister have loud sex. Hello Ms. X, I am a 17 year old girl and I have two problems. So I have a twin sister … Read more
This week Ms X advises a letter writer who can’t stand her flatmate – but suspects she might be the problem, not him. Hi Ms X, I have a weird dilemma about my flatmate and would love some advice. Our new flatmate has been living with us for a few months now, and I don’t … Read more
Trained psychotherapist and resident advice guru Ms X on shitty jobs and the fine art of knowing when to walk away. Hi Ms X, I’ve been working in a new job for about 10 months now. It’s my first one out of uni and when I started it was quite enjoyable. The woman who hired … Read more
In-house psychotherapist Ms. X has some good advice for couples stuck in the fight/make up/fight rut. Hey Ms. X, This is such a cool idea first of all! I tried to start an advice column at my uni mag but it didn’t work. I guess I’m the one who should be getting advice, not giving … Read more
In this week’s advice column, in-house psychotherapist Ms. X helps out a concerned big sister. Dear Ms. X, I am a 21 year old woman needing some help with how to advise my younger sister about sex stuff. She is nearly 16 and has a 17 year old boyfriend. You can probably imagine what my … Read more
In-house psychotherapist Ms X helps out a senior rugby administrator in an apology-shaped pickle. Dear Ms X, I’m having a bit of a problem getting people to believe I really am sorry about a thing that maybe happened. I didn’t actually do the thing that was bad, but I’m in charge of the people that … Read more
There’s no reason to feel guilty about pulling the plug on a toxic friendship, says in-house psychotherapist Ms X. Dear Ms X, I’m writing to ask about maybe letting go of a long friendship. I’ve been friends with “Kate” for about a decade, since we were angsty teens in desperate need of some solid emotional … Read more
This week Ms. X tackles a problem familiar to every coupled-up cat-owner in the country: why does it insist on staring at us while we’re getting down to business? Hi there What do you do with your cat while you’re having sex? If we leave ours in the room it sits beside the bed and … Read more
Racists, body shamers and wannabe pickup artists: This week, Ms. X shares some terrible Tinder profiles supplied by you, her readers. Hello Callers, Cast your minds back a few weeks, when I butted into a Tinder conversation between reader ‘Linda’ and a gentleman whom I christened, for admittedly obscure reasons, ‘Guilty Denver’. Seemingly inspired by … Read more
This week, psychotherapist Ms X advises a single woman who finds herself suddenly “sexual catnip” to her coupled friends. Dear Ms X, I’m a happily single woman in my early 30s. I have no boyfriend or girlfriend, no kids, no commitments and it’s wonderful. I do what I want. I am living the dream. The … Read more
In this week’s advice column, psychotherapist Ms X counsels a woman struggling to adjust to life as her ex’s straight sidekick. Hi Ms. X, I’m a woman in my 20s and a few months ago my boyfriend, who I’ll call Oscar (after one of my all-time favorite homosexuals) broke up with me with this banger: … Read more
This week, a special reader’s response on dealing with dating bullshit, and Ms X annotates a genuine Tinder conversation that quickly goes south. Hello Callers, Last week we ran a poignant letter from ‘Yoko Boleyn’ who has been having issues with a young man who seems unable to GTFU (Grow the Fuck Up – itʼs … Read more
This week: psychotherapist Ms X on settling for second best, dating dry patches, and knowing when to kick him to the kerb. Hi Ms X, I’m feeling a bit stuck here and could do with some cold, hard advice and maybe a bit of a reality check. First up, I am the worst at dating. … Read more
In this week’s advice column, Ms. X counsels a daughter who is flipping out over her mother’s search for online romance. Dear Ms. X, My mum is 62 and looking to date. I want to be good about this but I AM NOT. I think she is going to meet all kinds of idiots and … Read more
This week, Ms. X advises a young woman whose social media stalking is spiralling out of control. Hi Ms X, I have a problem for the digital age: I stalk my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend relentlessly on social media. My very supportive, loving, and trusting boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, and … Read more
Hello Caller is our new advice column in which psychotherapist Ms. X answers readers’ questions on manners, morals and mental health. This week, Ms. X tackles the procrastination-guilt-procrastination shame spiral. Dear Ms X. I am really struggling with motivation at work. On the outside, I really enjoy my job, but when it comes down to … Read more
Our new weekly advice column, in which practising psychotherapist Ms. X answers readers’ questions on manners, morals and mental health. Dear Ms. X, I am a divorced dad of three. The split was about five years ago now and I thought we had worked out a reasonable co-parenting arrangement. But now my ex has a … Read more