Dyed-in-the-wool Pocket Monster fan Joseph Harper joined the burgeoning Pokémon GO craze this week and found it overwhelmingly pointless and bad. When the Pokémon GO trailer was hurled onto the internet last year, it seemed too good to be true. Playing Pokémon in the real world seemed fricking awesome. When I played Pokémon as a … Read more
Joseph Harper loves nothing more than watching strangely shaped men pump their huge quadriceps in pursuit of cycling glory. You can start sharing some of his joy by boning up on this cheat sheet to the Tour de France. Sport’s greatest spectacle begins this weekend. 3,519 kms over 21 stages, from the shores of La Manche, … Read more
The King of the Cosmos intends to build a planet. Joseph Harper answers his call and discovers and terrifying yet thrilling cosmic techno nightmare. Finally the pure, unfiltered joy and weirdness of the Katamari franchise has returned to my iPhone. It’s the first Katamari game since the 2012 PS Vita game, Touch My Katamari (which I … Read more
For this, the final Throwback Thursday in our partnership with NZ on Screen, Joseph Harper looks back at the first ever televised Lotto draw, and unaccountably fantasises about eating a Lotto ball at length. My mum used to buy a lotto ticket every week. Discussions on the repercussions of winning the jackpot were commonplace at … Read more
Orcs are troublesome beings; they get in the linen cupboard and rough up the pillow cases something horrid. However, as Joseph Harper found, they’re also part of the enduring legacy of Warcraft. It seemed necessary to play this old game, given the release of the year’s biggest and most critically acclaimed mega-film (Warcraft: The Beginning). … Read more
This week Joseph Harper doesn’t even get near a joystick or touchscreen. Instead he salivates over some very welcome news from E3. I didn’t go to E3 because I’m not rich and cool etc but by god did I get a lot of breaking news on my Facebook feed. It’s definitely cool that everyone will … Read more
Each week Joseph Harper plays a different game that’s somewhat out of the ordinary. This week he gets his mitts on locally made Mini Metro. My friend and local indie game aficionado Alice Gatland told me about Mini Metro. She basically implied it was the coup of the local indie game scene. So I obviously … Read more
Bears, bears, bears; Joseph Harper’s phone hosts a fight to death between two games based on and around the terrifying caniforms. Weirdly, I happened to download two games for my phone last week that feature murderous bear-type characters. The first is Killer Panda. It’s an infinite scrolling thing where you jump over very small concrete … Read more
With Survivor NZ set to begin its debut season, Joseph Harper puts host Matt Chisholm through the ringer to see if he has what it takes to lead the world’s most challenging reality television series. Survivor fever is most certainly sweeping the nation, with an unpredictable finale of Survivor: Kaoh Rong almost ready to be illegally streamed and … Read more
Joseph Harper reviews the three new starter Pokémon characters, using cutting-edge scientific methods to determine which one is the cutest. Great news for children, and fully grown Nintendo tragics: while Pokémon Sun and Moon are still a wee way off, we’ve just been gifted the first offering of real game footage – including names and pictures … Read more
Pushbike hardouts rejoice: Giro D’Italia is nearly upon us. Cycle correspondent Joseph Harper could’ve droned on about pelotons, but instead he got got right down to business with the content all of us secretly desired. There’s a lot to love about the Giro. The world loves the Tour de France and its maillot jaune, but honestly, the Giro’s maglia rosa is … Read more
In honor of the New Zealand Comedy Festival Joseph Harper dives deep into a few comedy games. But it turns out that games based on comedy aren’t actually that funny. The Comedy Fest is happening at the moment and nobody loves to laugh as much as me. So this week I decided to highlight some … Read more
If the chore of cobbling together and interacting with real people for a roleplaying session is too much, Joseph Harper has the mobile game for you. We all know Dungeons and Dragons and the Call of Cthulu etc are cool. There is almost nothing as good as putting on a bonnie wee Scotty boy accent … Read more
Joseph Harper lives among the quietude of Stardew Valley and finds a place where even those with the darkest of hearts can find a place to be. I love almost everything about the Steam gaming platform. I love feeling part of a community in the wake of a big, bolshie blockbuster release. I love the … Read more
Joseph Harper plays Hyrule Warriors Legends and loves it, but not really. A few years ago Nintendo and Koei Tecmo teamed up to create a Zelda/Dynasty Warriors mash-up. Zelda, Ruto, Darunia, and various Links bash their way through hordes of enemies, earning upgrades and generally thwarting evil. For some reason ($$$$$) Nintendo decided to port the … Read more
The Golden State Warriors are gunning for the all-time NBA wins record, but they’ve already sewn up the title for best facial hair ever. Joseph Harper gazes upon the squad and decides ‘who warri-ore it best’. The Golden State Warriors have a chance to make history as the winningest basketball team of all time. Watching Warriors games … Read more
Joseph Harper plays and endorses Nintendo’s first foray into smartphone gaming: the bizarro Miitomo. Given Nintendo’s status as a kind of jovial, fun-obsessed Grandpappy to the video game world, it’s pretty remarkable that up until now they haven’t ventured into the omnipotent and big $$$ world of mobile phone gaming. They’re the all time masters … Read more
Joseph Harper celebrates Taika Waititi’s ingenious early comedy gems on NZ On Screen. There’s lots of cool pre-Waititi era Taika – when he was better known as Taika Cohen – on the internet. There are a couple of really lo-fi vids of him and Jemaine Clement as The Humourbeasts hosting some kind of talent quest in … Read more
It goes down easy like syrup soaked pancakes; Joseph Harper puts you through boot camp on the “unconventional warfare” in Canadian WW2 drama, X Company. What’s the story? The world is at war – World War II to be exact. Canada has a role to play: assembling a small team of (mostly) Canadians who can … Read more
This week Joseph Harper is drawn back into the Pokémon vortex like a starving Rick Stein stumbling across Magicarp at a market. He finds there is no better fuel for nostalgia than a solid run with a Pokémon trainer’s licence. As part of their 20th anniversary celebrations, the Pokémon geniuses at Nintendo did the handheld … Read more
In a mad bout of ‘digital Zen lunacy’, Joseph Harper has accumulated over 13,000 strokes in Desert Golf. He’s spent less time on the slopes of Skiing Yeti Mountain, but both come highly recommended. The 2K16 working year is well underway and so therefore are my long ass trips to the toilet to play games … Read more
Joseph Harper takes a long, taxing, circuitous and satisfying walk through the world of The Witness, a 3D puzzle game set on a pastel-colored island with a mysterious secret. The Witness, the latest game from Braid creator Jonathan Blow, has been in the works since 2008. It’s a 3D puzzle adventure game vaguely in the mode of … Read more
That Dragon, Cancer is less of a game and more a series of interactive abstractions, writes Joseph Harper, but that only makes it all the more effective. I don’t know if morons who hold the view that video games aren’t art still exist. But if so they should play That Dragon, Cancer. An autobiographical game, created … Read more
Joseph Harper was so inspired by the agony of Blair Walsh’s choke against the Seahawks on Monday that he spent two days creating an extraordinary game in tribute. My Dad loves the NFL. When I visit him in Christchurch he’s almost always glued to the family computer, watching emo New England Patriots retrospectives or cracking … Read more
After the final of X Factor NZ, Joseph Harper creates an interactive game that promises to be more challenging, fun and have higher production values than the competition itself. It’s been a long season of losing judges, murderers and clear winners as X Factor NZ slowly disintegrated week to week. But finally – here’s something … Read more
Joseph Harper reviews a different game every week in a brand new column. First up: Neko Atsume. I started playing a new smartphone game this week. I’m probably the target market for these kind of things via vaguely addictive personality and enjoying the patronising simplicity of the kind of games that exist on this platform. I’ve … Read more
Joseph Harper uses his Playstation 2 version of The Sims to decide the final outcome of The Bachelor NZ. Speculation is rife going into the final week of The Bachelor NZ. All three remaining bachelorettes seem to have a crack at the title of Art Green’s girlfriend. Alysha has the nice accent. Matilda has a nice … Read more
Cool TV freaks Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, creators of batshit cult sketch show Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! are playing Auckland’s Sky City Theatre this Friday. Joseph Harper called them for a chat. Those who are already fans need no introduction to the work of Tim & Eric, and the uninitiated should … Read more
Joseph Harper power ranks the latest crop of Super Rugby uniforms. Summer is headed to its zenith in Godzone, so it only makes sense we start yakking about rugby. And what better way to get chins wagging than a rugby fashion parade featuring the new Super Rugby uniforms. They’re pretty yuck. They haven’t gone full HRV, … Read more