Madeleine Chapman 
The prime minister says her misbehaving coalition cabinet minister is taking the Cabinet Manual away to study. Is it the perfect page-turner beach read? Madeleine Chapman finds out. This story was published in October 2019. Is there anything better than reading a trashy thriller while on holiday? For Shane Jones, only one thing: Threatening political … Read more
After a short but successful career in China, table tennis champion Chunli Li moved to New Zealand to coach. She soon discovered she was better than everyone, and that was a problem. Chunli Li trains alone. In the basement of the Panmure YMCA, four regulation table tennis tables occupy the floor space. On the wall … Read more
Before Zumba, before Just Dance, before it was cool again to move in public group settings, there was Jump Jam. Madeleine Chapman reflects. Jump Jam entered the lives of New Zealand kids in 2001, a year filled with historic cultural movements. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was released in 2001; Frodo and Sam introduced … Read more
The red, yellow, and black trikes are everywhere. But where did they come from and how did they get here? Madeleine Chapman investigates. Walk past any daycare centre or kindy in New Zealand and you’ll hear the sound of plastic wheels on concrete, or plastic wheels on decking. That’s the Triang A.T. Cycle, and if … Read more
In 1981, New Zealand runner Anne Audain accepted prize money for winning a race. In doing so, she changed the status of professional sports all around the world. Anne Audain always led from the front. In middle distance running, more so than the shorter races, strategy will often beat raw speed. Drafting behind the leader, … Read more
Madeleine Chapman wrote a book and was asked to speak about it at a writers festival. The problem was, nobody wanted to listen. No one came. Seriously, no one came. The first sign, a red flag drifting through my subconscious, was the modest attendance at the three person 2pm panel. Three writers, all known, one … Read more
On May 1st 2019, Simon Bridges stood up in parliament and yelled the word “slushies” at the government. Madeleine Chapman dives deep into the slush. Hon SIMON BRIDGES: So what has the Government delivered? Hon Members: Nothing. Hon SIMON BRIDGES: Oh, nothing. Slushies—Kelvin Davis says 193 slushy machines, at nearly $6,000 each. Well, Grant Robertson … Read more
Hankies are a gross piece of cloth filled with snot that you carried around all day. They’re also great, argues Madeleine Chapman. For ten years of my life, from 2002 to 2012, I had a runny nose. It wasn’t a runny nose like you get when you’re sick. It was just runny. The cause: allergies, … Read more
Michael Hill Jeweller is currently urging the public to buy for “all your Mums” this Mother’s Day, including your real mum and your ‘work mum’. Madeleine Chapman wonders how many other mums are out there. Did you ever accidentally call your teacher ‘mum’ in front of the class? Did you shart? Did you not speak … Read more
The prime minister and the leader of the opposition are supposed to be enemies, but Madeleine Chapman just wants Jacinda Ardern and Simon Bridges to be friends again. There’s a moment in every romantic comedy when one protagonist realises that the other protagonist likes them, despite all their actions and words up until that point … Read more
Madeleine Chapman on dropping the perfect (dive) bomb – and why it’s worth protecting. This story originally ran in Barker’s 1972 magazine. The key to popping a perfect manu lies in the bum. Before the body has even left the platform, or rock, or bridge, the bum is out. Arms up, back straight, knees bent, … Read more
Eater of chocolate and master budgeter Madeleine Chapman lays out the recipe for a killer Easter egg hunt. Put on your Donnie Darko suit this weekend, sneak around in your own garden, then inevitably step on a marshmallow egg in August. It’s Easter, and it’s time to plan your Easter egg hunt. Build the base … Read more
Madeleine Chapman interrogates Andrew Falloon as to how he managed to go so viral on Twitter. You may not recognise his name, or know he exists, but Andrew Falloon – rhymes with balloon – is the most popular New Zealander in the world this week. Falloon was never meant to be popular, and never asked to … Read more
The author of the wildly popular Wonky Donkey children’s book is facing criticisms over a 2008 song about golliwogs. Craig Smith, author of Wonky Donkey, a children’s book about a three-legged donkey, is facing criticisms over a music video entitled “Gollywog Song”, which was originally posted online 10 years ago. The video, uploaded to Smith’s Youtube account, shows … Read more
One of New Zealand’s most successful tennis players has fallen through the cracks of sporting history. Madeleine Chapman tells the story of Ruia Morrison, Wimbledon quarter finalist. Ruia Morrison is standing on her back porch, whacking her neighbour’s overgrown hedge with a tennis racquet. She’s employing a forehand overhead volley technique and it’s working. Satisfied, … Read more
The Crusaders rugby franchise are looking into changing their name. Madeleine Chapman and Toby Morris have some ideas. Sports teams have changed their names before. The Charlotte Hornets NBA team were the Charlotte Bobcats for over a decade. When they got their name back from the New Orleans Hornets, New Orleans became the Pelicans. If … Read more
In cinemas now, Vai tells the story of one woman’s life through eight ten-minute shorts, directed by nine Pacific women. At the Auckland premiere of Vai at Sylvia Park, dozens of attendees line up at the candy bar to buy a drink for the film. After paying, they then continued into the theatre where they discovered … Read more
On Friday March 29, the Spinoff published a ranking of every chip flavour in New Zealand. Everyone promptly lost the plot. Chip ranker Madeleine Chapman wonders where she went wrong. I didn’t have anything else to write about. That’s why I ranked all 123 chip flavours in New Zealand from best to worst. Not because … Read more
Madeleine Chapman goes through starchy hell to rank every flavour of chip available in New Zealand*. *Of course I will have missed some and of course you’ll let me know. Sorry and thanks in advance. This list is so long it really doesn’t need an intro. Hell-123) Any novelty flavour ever Get directly in the … Read more
On Friday 15 March, a terrorist attack in Christchurch took the lives of 50 people at prayer. Eighteen months into her first term as prime minister, Jacinda Ardern faced a formidable task: communicate what happened, embrace a ruptured community, and force through real reform. Madeleine Chapman reports. The kids couldn’t believe she was there. A … Read more
After the terrorist atrocity in Christchurch, supporters including Sikhs are rallying around the Muslim community to ensure bodies can be buried as quickly as possible. Madeleine Chapman reports from Christchurch On Sunday morning the roads were reopened. The mound of flowers at the corner of Deans Ave and Riccarton Rd, perched as close as the … Read more
A 28 year old man was charged with murder after an unprecedented terror attack in a city still patching itself together. Madeleine Chapman reports from Christchurch She had made the coffee strong because she figured the police officers stationed at the end of her street didn’t sleep much last night. She was right. Two hours, … Read more
Commentator and former Black Fern Melodie Robinson has become the first New Zealander to be given the Barbie treatment. Melodie Robinson used to imagine she was a superhero and her power was the ability to turn her eyes blue. Not so that she could see in the dark or shoot lasers, but to look more … Read more
In a stunning new run of Wild Dogs Under My Skirt, Samoan women are allowed to be whole, writes Madeleine Chapman. I had two mums growing up. There was Pani (pronounced “Bunny”), my mum, who spoke Samoan on the phone to her sisters for hours, howling with laughter, yet seemed angry all the time. She could silence … Read more
For 18 years a small group of local business owners ran the Avondale Business Association as they pleased. It took 18 months for two brothers to spark a revolution. Marcus Amosa loves Avondale. And not in the reluctant way that most people love a place they’ve been forced to spend years of their lives in. … Read more
School projects weren’t complete without a meticulously selected WordArt title. Madeleine Chapman looks back at the fonts that shaped many children’s lives. Once upon a time the most important decision in life was choosing a font. Every school project needed the perfect font. Not for the body of text; Arial shmarial, who cares. No, every … Read more
Every year, thousands of New Zealand immigrants in London celebrate Waitangi Day by dressing up, publicly getting drunk, and doing the haka, and it makes Madeleine Chapman shudder. New Zealanders acknowledge Waitangi Day in different ways. Some do nothing and are just glad to have a day off work. Some celebrate it, believing that the … Read more
God may have created all of his children in his image, but the same cannot be said for his hymns. Some church songs are good, some are bad, and some are absolute bangers. Madeleine Chapman ranks the best of them. Some say that in order to experience complete and utter silence, a hearing person must … Read more
