Television: The Final Masterchef Recap – To the Victor Goes the Feeble Glitter Cannon

Eleanor Robertson delivers her final Masterchef NZ power rankings, wherein Tim is crowned King of the Masterchef court. Disclaimer: the author’s views of Nadia Lim – and Nadia Lim alone – do not represent those of The Spinoff family. Episodes 15 and 16 I’m late to the party on last week’s episodes, having only just … Read more

Television: Masterchef Recap, Week Eight – Boring Bivalve and Bouncy Bunnies

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week. Unlike most weeks where each episode receives equal attention from me, this time I’m going to mostly ignore the first episode because it was so goddamn boring. It was a … Read more

Recap: Masterchef NZ, Week Seven – Deconstructing the Onscreen Villainy of Marco Pierre White

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week.  Episode 11 Marco Pierre White is a complex and regrettable phenomenon produced entirely by food television. White has been crafting his telly persona for years, making cooks shake and cry … Read more

Recap: Masterchef, Week Six – From an Ugly Baby Bird to a Beautiful Cream Puff Swan

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week.  Eating is a very sensual activity. At the best of times you’re putting something warm and moist into your mouth with a group of people you love, and collectively delighting … Read more

Recap: Masterchef NZ, Week Five – Gently Mopping Up the Competition

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week. Episode Seven Team challenges on Masterchef are often where things fall apart. Contestants who’ve been plating up lacy tuiles, singing arias to their soufflés, constructing elaborate shrines in front of … Read more

Recap: Masterchef, Week Four – Popcorn Livers and Contestant Courting

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week. Who’s got two thumbs and didn’t realise until too late that Masterchef NZ is now on two nights a week? Me. It’s me. Shoutout to episode four, in which the contestants … Read more

Recap: Masterchef, Week Three – Marine Midwife Al Brown and the Story of the Pregnant Fish

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week. In my time as Masterchef New Zealand recapper, so far I’ve chosen not to make fun of the judges’ and contestants’ Kiwi accents. This is half because accent gags are … Read more

Recap: Masterchef, Week Two – Stupid Hats, Sob Stories and Paltry Efforts with Poultry

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week. After complaining in my last recap about judge Al Brown’s wearing of a hat indoors, an incident compounded by the fact that the hat in question was bedazzled with a … Read more

Recap: Masterchef, Week One – Three Middle-Aged White Men Judge a Fearful Nation

Australian food television connoisseur and disappointment addict Eleanor Robertson journeys through cyber space and time to watch and recap TV3’s competitive cooking show, Masterchef New Zealand each week. Ahh, Masterchef. Here we are again at the start of another season and I’m truly thrilled to waste precious hours of my life slumped on the couch like a depressed … Read more

Dance Moms: The Inhuman Price of Perfect Form

Abby Lee Miller trained the dancer in Sia’s ‘Chandelier’ clip, but reveals deep depravity in reality show Dance Moms. Eleanor Robertson wrestles with a complex monster. // Think about the worst person you’ve ever met. Not someone who inexplicably annoys you, or somebody you hate for a petty historical reason. I mean the worst person. The kind of person you … Read more