True Detectives S2: Time is a Tiny Flat Circle

A couple of days ago there were some controversial casting announcements for Season Two of True Detective. Uncharacteristically, the internet was unhappy and took to the keys with more gusto than Vince Vaughan frantically writing the entire script of The Internship two hours before it’s deadline. All the ranting and raving can be summarised in a few key points: … Read more

Outrageous Fortune: Who Will Be the Young Wolf?

If you have been living deep within a gutter (black), an Outrageous Fortune prequel is on its way to our screens. Set in the 1970s, it will follow the hijinks of legendary safe-cracker and canny-career-crim Ted West, his wife Rita and their son Wolfgang. For the role of Wolfgang, TV3 and South Pacific Pictures have sounded an exciting wolf … Read more

The Block Episode 12: Pendants, Nooks and Proddy Things

At last, the first room reveal on The Block NZ. If the past three weeks have been a marathon, tonight’s episode is the sprint to the finish. I’m ready: I’ve done my warm-up stretches, donned my favourite terry towel headband, and double knotted my Bata Bullets. Let us now together enter the virtual stadium that is The … Read more

The Block Episode 11: Crunch Time at the Pointy End

Judgement day is looming. Looming, I tell you! It’s crunch time! The Wolf is let loose! It’s fun and games! With serious consequences! And a smashing challenge! Blimey, we’re only 43 seconds into tonight’s episode of The Block and already I’m equal parts astonished and terrified. It’s Day 14 on The Block. I know it, … Read more

Weekend Watch: Card Houses, Real Houses and Honey Badgers

This weekend will provide New Zealand with heavy rain up and down the country, so you should probably stay in and watch yourself some television. With only a week until the general election, it’s time to get involved in politics. A great way to do this over the next few days would be to fully … Read more

X Factor NZ: Who Will Join Mel and Stan?

Yesterday it was announced that both Stan Walker and Mel Blatt will be returning to the X Factor NZ judges’ table. Ruby Frost and Daniel Bedingfield are still unconfirmed, with Frost selfishly working on her own career and Bedingfield still trapped in a rotating cube with some poor woman. But we needn’t panic, New Zealand has a wealth … Read more

MKR Episode Nine: The Dads of Wall Street

Finally we got to explore the inner boardrooms of Corporate Dads Aaron and Josh. Unsurprisingly, their instant restaurant was inside a giant yellow mansion with a massive swimming pool. Just goes to show, there’s a hell of a lot of dosh in sexy fertility vitamins. Their background video shows them crunching numbers in a café, wearing Red … Read more

What You Missed: Decision ’14 Leaders Debate

Last night John Campbell moderated John Key and David Cunliffe in an hour-long debate. They arrived in separate cars to what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse building. Faced with the desolate dystopian setting, it seemed the only suitable podium for Campbell was a zig-zag of metal that had clearly travelled here from the future. Many of the important issues … Read more

MKR Episode Eight: Cuties Without a Cause

Young couple Jessie and Ricki (“The Christchurch Cuties”) were the hosts in this stormer of an episode. This pair always seemed mysterious, like there was more to them than just cuteness and Christchurch-ness. We all remember their well-timed decision to come out as a couple at the dinner table (causing the Corporate Dads to go into cardiac arrest). They have … Read more

Potential Names for the Block Baby

The Block viewers were in for a shocking shock at the end of last Thursday’s episode when it was revealed that Quinn and Ben are weirdly pregnant. Weird because they’re currently sleeping in what is essentially a highly-centralised Point Chev mini-slum. The Block’s best couple have obviously been enjoying their time under the tarpaulin. The pair don’t … Read more

Ain’t No Party Like a Minor Party: The Debate in Vines

The multi-party leaders debate aired on Saturday night on TV1. Hosking took to the podium with his standard halo back-lighting. Although the angelic effect paired with his twinkling wet eyes was breathtaking, it was not enough to distract from the fact that he had seriously downgraded his wardrobe. Swapping out the three-piece suit of the first debate … Read more

Shorty St Scandal is the only logical response to Ferndale

With all due respect to everything New Zealanders have achieved in art and commerce, no serious person disputes Shortland Street’s position as this country’s best ‘thing’. It’s older than Lorde, weirder than the Wizard of Christchurch and more ripped than Ma’a Nonu. It exists in this strange microclimate where there is only one bar and two cafés, where … Read more

MKR Episode Seven: Capers For Africa

In this episode we were dispatched to Lower Hutt, home of Ian and Sandy (aka “The Firefighter and his Flame”). There was much speculation about what Ian would be dishing up after his meat-aging-cauliflower-shaming opinions at the previous instant restaurant. It seemed pretty clear after seeing the pair at home cooking for their large family, as well … Read more

No Child Left Behind: The Voice’s Kiddie Revamp

The Voice has taken a mildly entertaining and incredibly worrying turn. For those of you who have never seen the show, it’s part singing competition, part swivel chair advertorial, all sadness. And now, they’ve got the children. Please no, anything but the children. The intake for the show goes a little something like this:   1) … Read more

MKR Episode Six: Daddy’s Cooking The Jus

With the Bogans eliminated from Group One, this episode moved on to a whole new group of very loosely characterised teams. As anticipated, The “Corporate Dads” are the premiere dream comedy team, followed by “The Fireman and His Flame” (doesn’t seem like a real thing), rounding off with “The Christchurch Cuties” (who met at McDonalds). … Read more

MKR Episode Five: Fire and Icing Sugar

Finally, we get to see the inner sanctum of zany couple Tracey and Neil, aka Beauty and The Beast. It is perfect that they hail from Orewa, a beach town jam-packed with their exact brand of dated and cheesey charm (for example, an excellent clothing store called ‘Charisma Fashions’ which Tracey undoubtedly has shares in). The … Read more

MKR Episode Four: Cacao, I Am Your Father

This episode welcomed us into the chilly Dunedin love-nest of newlyweds Christie and Dan. Their background introduction video showed long-haired Dan playing in his band, and doting Christie watching from behind the amps. The duo seem to enjoy chilling out with beanie-wearing friends at home, and just generally being young and in love. Although there … Read more

MKR Episode Three: Put Something Weird On It

This episode invited audiences to, at long last, get better acquainted with the lovable heroes of the show: “Bogan Besties” June and Steph. Adorned with boob tube tops (featuring generic woman’s face) and bracelets made out of melted forks that can only be bought from a very specific type of crystal store, the pair seemed … Read more

Here’s a Hand to Hold Onto: Full House Could Be Coming Back

Warner Bros has announced that they are looking to reboot the family sitcom, which last aired in 1995, with John Stamos himself at the helm with a big Producer/Bouffant Liason. Rumour has it that a lot of the original cast will be returning, having waited for this phonecall for 19 years. So far D.J. (Candace … Read more